Pssst...

Holy cow it's been ages since I've posted here. Doh.

Loooooong recap short...I have a new blog now, begun as an assignment for school and I update that one much more often so...keep on truckin? get to movin? aw heck just go read that one instead ;)

http://newperspectivesphotographer.blogspot.com

Ohmmmmm....

"I intoned a Hindu prayer and did a sacred Sufi dance as I stood inside a Native American medicine wheel and carried out parts of a Buddhist ritual while holding a Wiccan wand and Christian cross. My intention was to seek divine favor in helping you open to the possibility that you can expand your spiritual life considerably in the coming months, especially if you go exploring for inspiration outside of the beliefs and rituals that have nourished you up until now."

It's interesting (but not surprising) that he says this this week. Just yesterday my instructor mentioned that he was Bahai(I know I'm spelling that wrong. Sorry.) And then I heard something about it was a combo of a few different religions...I'm a little intrigued. And I have been negligent of pursuing anything spiritual lately. I'll have to heed his advice/thoughts and give that more attention.

As per another update...the apartment's ok and slowling being moved into and school is starting off fairly well. But as class begins in just a moment, I digress.

Ciao.

Translation...

" "The Simpsons" TV show has made the leap to the Arab world. Broadcast by satellite from Dubai, it reaches a big audience in the Middle East. A few transformations were necessary, however. In accordance with Islamic law, the man of the house doesn't drink beer or eat pork. Instead, he enjoys soda and beef sausages. His name is Omar instead of Homer, and he doesn't frequent squalid bars or befriend scruffy derelicts as he does in the American version of the show. On the other hand, son Bart (now called Badr) is still a brat. Omar is as lazy as Homer, and, like the original, works at a nuclear power facility. I mention this, Gemini, because it's a good analogue for your possible future. In 2006, you will have the power and opportunity to translate something you're good at into a brand new sphere. "

Which skill? What will I translate? Does that mean keep my eyes open for international opportunities? Like maybe interning in BC? Or does that mean integrating one skill with another to do something I only half considered? Hm...I'll have to let this one settle in my brain for a bit I think.

But as an update...I signed a lease on a new apartment yesterday...turned on the water, purchased renter's insurance...need to call the power company today...and will move whenever I can enlist help ;) It's kind of exciting. It's almost odd too...this whole week and really just recently, everything is working out pretty well. Maybe I'm just handling things better who knows? I've been trying hard to have better self eficacy and not sit back and say " woe is me, I want this and I can't do that." I've been working whatever hours they'll give me at Penney's and will start discretly searching for a better job opp. in Asheboro this week.

(side note: There's a girl sitting opposite me here at the library computer desks, bouncing incessantly (sp?) It's really quite annoying. Grown woman, even somewhate attractive and she's shaking her leg or something that's making her bobble like my Michelin Tire Bobblehead Doll that sits in my car. Grrr. Enouch already lady. Cool it. end side note.)

Classes start back next week and I can't wait. I miss it. I miss all my classmates too. Well most of them anyway. And I feel ready for that next step, which I might add is a really nice feeling.

But that's about it for the update right now. Wanna help me move?? Call!

Got any thoughts on my horoscope? Let me know ;)

Ciao.

17 to 3...

Rob Brezsny does it again. But then I wasn't really surprised.

"Many Geminis fit the description of a class of people that Wired magazine calls "yeppies," or "young experimenting perfection seekers." Overwhelmed by a profusion of conflicting opportunities, they are restless and insatiable. They treat life "as an exercise in comparison shopping, refusing to commit for fear of missing a better offer." While this approach is pretty normal for your tribe, I suspect it won't work as well in 2006 as it has for you in the past. That's why I urge you to try out some very different attitudes: a tolerance for imperfection, a respect for limits, an appreciation for the value of peace of mind, and a willingness to concentrate on just two or three possibilities instead of 17. "

It's good advice for me. I don't know that I'm quite as bad as the stereotype of the first few lines but...I do fall into that category. Reading this I remembered many times last semester, having others tell me to relax or poking fun at my angst over an imperfection. (Side note: I received three A's and two B's for last term.)

It's true. I don't like to settle for imperfection or something less than what I want. And some things I won't settle on regardless of Brezsny's advice. But that's another post about love and magic and dreams come true and happily ever afters and integrity and my ridiculous stubborn streak fueled by my insatiable curiosity. So...on that point, I digress.

As for the rest of it...it's good advice and duely noted. School starts again in about a week and while I need to focus and do well, I can't let my sanity and health suffer as a result. Also, I've been working so hard at work to do my job well and be a stereotypical snotty-bored-to-death-don't-care-about-other-people's-problems kind of retail worker that whenever I have a day off, I sleep for like ten or twelve hours. Bad on so many levels. Ok maybe just on two. Once school starts, I'll only get 6-8 hrs so it's a bad habit to have and...it upsets my Mom, with whom I live so it creates undue stress.

I've also lost a lot of time in thought about which concentration to choose next year...photojournalism or commercial. Ultimately I want to do both in my career. I don't think a third year at school is an option so I want to choose one that will help me acheive both goals. I'm too stubborn to have talked to my teachers yet but Brezsny's right (again.) Maybe I should so I can stop stressing about making the right choice...not commiting to one for fear I'll want the other in the end...I want both but I don't have to figure out all the anwers today either.

Well for the sake of not wanting to ramble aimlessly I'll go for another week. Next week...job searches, apartment searches and hopefully some good news. Anyone want to buy a house in a growing part of gso??

Ciao.

Getting Grounded...

"Happy Holy Daze, Gemini! I've been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might stimulate you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? The answer is: a lot of beautiful, comfortable shoes suitable for a variety of moods, from hiking to working to traveling to dancing. I recommend this dramatic upgrade in footwear because I think it would help drive home the single most important task you have ahead of you, which is to come all the way down to earth. This is the year you've got to become as well-grounded as you've ever dared to be. "


Ok. So it's been ages since I've written. It's long over due I guess.

Above is my horoscope for this week. I still say it's eery how accurate these things are...well at least those that come from freewillastrology.com anyway.

While shoes may not be a big excitement for me in the literal sense...I'm facing a major shoe shopping endeavor right now, in the figurative sense. I just left my job at the gym-there goes the old worn in pair of tennis/coaching shoes that I loved. But they're in the back of my closet still. Hopefully I'll have chances to pull 'em out and wear them again once in awhile.

Replacing those shoes are a new pair of simple black mules with a cushioned heel. I have a new job in retail. Blah. I work at JC Penney now. The co-workers are nice and quite helpful. The work itself is not so bad and the customers, more often than not, are pretty nice. I get a discount and incentives here and there. But the paycut hurts and ensures I'll need to work more hours...So this pair of shoes is one that appears comfortable and so-so but...part of me can't wait 'till they're worn out.

I'm about to begin a new semester at school. One down, five to go. Damn did it fly too! Our numbers are dwindling and they'll likely be a big cut again with the start of classes on the ninth. We began with almost 80 students. We lost 11 before finals and some will likely not return for one reason or another. That's good though. So this pair of shoes looks a lot like the pair for the first semester only they'll get a lot more wear. Lots more miles. The pace will be picked up and more ground will be covered. Here's hoping they last. It would suck to be running bare-foot by the end.

As if there's not enough of my plate with all that, i'm trying on another pair so to speak. I'm going to try to get my Mom to go back to school. We've talked about it some and she's interested, just a little intimated. So I guess the shoes resemble slippers...a pair I can wear to do lots of research in and maybe a little travel. Of course, they're fuzzy.

And so, my climbing shoes are getting cold and dusty. My hiking boots have yet arrive. But my running shoes, will hopefully get further broken in. It may be my only sanity these next few months and a good way to keep my feet on the ground and my head on straight.

The horoscope is dead on. Now more than ever perhaps, I have to be focused and push until the goals are met. Fortunately, I have a few people willing to help my tie my shoes.

Ciao...

Turn the page...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*pant*pant*

I'm home again! *does a jig* I was homesick all summer and I'm finally back in beautiful NC. I was giddy, no really I was, on the plane ride home. I rode back with Kierston and Lindsey and we must have made people wonder 'cause we were all so excited.

Anyway, it's so nice to be back. My mom, wonderful woman she is, redecorated my room while I was away. So, I came back to painted walls, a new decor in my bathroom and the most comfortable bed! She put one of those foam pads on it, then really nice sheets, super fuzzy blanket and a down comforter, (aka a douve.) Sooooo nice.

I had Krispy Kreme doughnuts this morning and homecooked food since I've been back. Oh yeah, and let's not forget the ever wonderful, Kraft mac n' cheese and ramen noodles. *lol* I've also been able to drive again. It feels great! It's amazing the difference it makes, at least when you're so used it. I'd get over it if there were better public transportation in this country or if things were closer together, but oh well. I enjoy it.

So guess what! Most of you don't know this yet, but, I'm actually, finally, attending RCC! I made it! *do a little dance* It's day three of classes and I'm a tad overwhelmed. I knew it'd be expensive but it still hits you hard, even when you're expecting it. But my Dad has been and is being a huge huge help with that. Mom is helping as best she can by letting me stay with her rent free and feeding me. So it all evens out to lucky me. ;) I can't say i'm wild about my online English course or my Math course yet. But, once I"m done with them I'm done with them. As it is I'm taking them earlier than most because I transferred, so that's quite nice. The drive is long, about an hour each way, but a straight shot; No real traffic issues to complain about. I'm am excited about my photo courses. The instructors all seem really nice. I'm most excited for my design class. The instructor is really great and I'm sure I'll write about him more down the road. But, moving right along.

Camp was...um...well not at all what I expected. But I think that was part of the trouble. I let myself go with expectations. My eight years at Camp Fuller left me with preconceptions about what camp should be and what I wanted from it. POP is a whole different world. Hindsight being what it is, I can look back on the summer and realize where my mistakes laid. One, i just mentioned, and second, I know I could have been a better person while I was there. I let the stress and shock of being away from home and homesick, as well as the shock of adjusting to not only a new camp but one where I felt very disrepected, wear me down. I could have, should have, found the strength somewhere to remind myself that it wasn't all about me and what I was wanting and what I needed and about how I was unhappy. I had come to do a job, at upon arrival, it was moot as to wether or not it's what I expected or wanted. I should have either left early on or sucked it up and pushed myself harder to do better.

I spent a lot of time bitching to and with anyone who'd listen I think. That's detrimental. I spent more time noticing what was wrong with POP and not enough figuring out how to make it better for myself and those around me. I was quite selfish this summer I'm frankly ashamed and a little embarrassed. I know I could have done better. I know that I'm a better person than who I was there. But, regret is procrastination. So, I digress.

Now comes the point to move forward and take with me the lessons I learned; to use them and therefore make that experience even more worthwhile. Don't get me wrong, I did have some laughs and good times. Some of my day off adventures were fantastic. I made some friends there that I hope to stay close with for years to come. But, I'm turning the page to a new chapter in my life now and there's no room to daudle. I'm the only one who can lead my life and I'll just have to hope those close to me will lead lives that take them on journeys to the same place now and then.

I read my horoscope today. No I don't take them as verbatum but often it can offer good advice or a new way to view my day or week etc. The horoscopes from http://www.freewillastrology.com offer insight that is so accurate sometimes it's eerie. Go read yours and maybe you'll see what I mean. Anyway, mine was as follows:

Gemini Horoscope for week of August 25, 2005
"If you dig a hole deep enough into the earth," the grandmother of my friend Carlos used to tell him when he was a kid, "you can see the sun rise at night." From a metaphorical perspective, that's good advice for you right now, Gemini. In order to get to the highest place possible, you might have to dive down deeper than you ever have before. To find the illumination you need, you should probably explore the densest darkness.

I think it just reiterates my point about needing to suck it up and keep moving forward. I've been wanting to reach this point, attending RCC and being that much closer to a career, for years now. This summer, I let little things bring me down and it got me nowhere fast. I need to keep digging, keep following the sunrise, despite the rocks or roots or fatigue that may come with the effort. The reward, is worth all of it. Afterall, if it weren't, it wouldn't be much of a reward. So in the words of a popular song," Tomorrow may rain, so, I'll follow the sun."

Ciao.

Lonely among many...

Well here I am at camp and let me tell you, it's beautiful! Right on Lake Brant in the Adirondacks! My morning runs have been painful but the view is truly motivating. The fog nestles in on the lake before dawn and is lifting by the time I return. The road winds through hills and farms and forest with the occasional peek at the lake and someone's luxury they call a summer home.

All the girls here at camp are very nice and we'll have incredible adventures, including taking our girls/campers to a boys camp in MA and again to Lake Placid. Older girls will go to Montreal and Boston. Yet, the homesickness has settled in nicely...like a case of food poisoning. One moment I feel fine. Then, quite happy to be here and confident it will be an amazing summer, excited to see the campers come. But then, for no good reason, something in the air changes and I feel completely lonely and just plain yucky.

I have the luxury to call my Mom but it's bittersweet. I don't have my car so I can't drive or get to town. I have to depend on other modes of transportation which is limiting and expensive. I miss my puppy and having the chance to take a hot bath when I'm stressed. I miss getting to chat with Mom at the end or start of a day, face to face. I miss my bed and my belongings in their normal place. It's odd I guess. I think if I were traveling around somewhere alone, I wouldn't really feel homesick. Likewise if I were accompanied by a close friend I'd had for a time, I'd be fine. But the combination of being so far from home and all its details, and meeting all the people and traditions and rules etc. for the first time...well it makes me feel quite lonely.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not leaving. Nor am I trying to complain, because like I said, this place is beautiful and when the girls all pay an average of $10k (no that's not a typo) per summer and come year after year( yes they are interviewed and must be asked to attend) well the opportunities and ammenities make it feel more like a posh retreat than a camp. But I think maybe in my excitement to apply and be hired, to know I had a decent summer job and the chance to do something I've enjoyed before, I got my hopes up too high. I should have really begged to teach gymnastics instead settling for arts and crafts. I should have gotten my mechanic's "ok" and driven up here. I should have quit my job at the gym back home and planned to save my summer paycheck to live off of until I find something better. I should have waited to train for the marathon during a time when I'd get more than five hours of sleep per night.

Hindsight is just adding to the lonesome and leaving a rather neutral feeling where I was hoping to stay innately enthused. It's a lot like drinking Bailey's Irish Creme and lemon juice (aka a cement mixer) and properly shaking my head. When you do that, they combine and curdle in your mouth. Will it hurt you? No. Does it taste good? Eh. Not so much. Is it what you thought you'd get when you agreed to a shot with a friend? No. Will you give up drinking and head home cranky? No.

I started this blog page to be a way to keep in touch with many friends without writing dozens of similar emails. But for the last few, it's been more of place to vent. So, if you're not entertained, oh well. But if you have worldly wisdom...I'm always open to offered advice.

So for now, I'm going to bed in hopes to get eight hours of sleep. Tomorrow is a rest day and I'm sure I'll be uber sore. Saturday, I run six miles. Updates to follow when I can.

Ciao.